Category: Uncategorized

Winning this lottery after months of trying was so, so thrilling. It felt unreal. Let’s walk through it.

Firstly, it felt like the fates willed this to be. I got the notification just when I was about to leave my apartment for work. It was the smallest window of time where I actually had time to act and purchase my discounted ticket before time ran out. And then the ticket date! I won tickets for literally the only day that I would have been able to go in weeks. It was just too much of a coincidence. The Broadway deities had to be smiling upon me. Thank you Broadway deities.

I went after work. It was a hot summer evening, as it has been in New York recently. This also was my first time going to a show by myself, and it felt especially surreal. While the Theater District has its flaws, it can also be so magical. It’s the New York City younger me dreamed of.

The show itself was amazing as well. It didn’t live up to the original cast, but I also didn’t expect it to. It was so dynamic and there was so much movement. The lottery seats are extremely close to the stage, so it was hard to appreciate the intricacies of the choreography, but I really do think it was done well. I think the ensemble was actually my favorite part for this reason. And the close up seats meant that I could really appreciate their expressions and artistry as they moved across the stage.

I don’t know if I’d have bothered to see Hamilton normally, since tickets are so pricey. But for $10? An easy decision and a dream come true.

At the beginning of the year, I started bouldering. I got a membership and a pair of climbing shoes and I set a goal for 2023: to complete a V3. That was six months ago. And this past weekend, I finally completed my first V3.

I’m not a V3 climber by any means. I probably hover closer to a V1, edging towards a V2. The route type also plays a huge factor — I’m better at certain bouldering skills than others. But this achievement made me realise how much I improved in the last 6 months.

I’ve also been reminded of the importance of consistency. In January, going climbing diligently helped me get my first V2. It took another 5 months for me to get my first V3, but I wasn’t going consistently at all during that time. I spent more time regaining strength I’d lost, than making progress. In fact, I’ve made more progress in the last 2-3 weeks than I did in the last 5 months. And it all comes down to consistency.

I’ve also made a few other changes recently. I’ve started prioritizing sleep (an obvious strategy), and dialing back on other things. I stopped forcing myself to exercise on climbing off days. Instead, I started walking to work rather than take the subway — adding up to 50 minutes of low impact exercise each day. I stopped trying to minimize calories, and instead began opting for a protein rich diet, with a focus on whole foods.

And these changes have also helped me at work. I have more energy during the day. I have more mental clarity. I’m more productive. My life feels really balanced right now and I’m excited to continue with it.

May was a weird month. I nearly made a life-changing decision, but then backed out. I committed to a project that I’ve had on my mind for years and discovered… that I really enjoy it. I realised that I’m a little dissatisfied with life right now. Something is missing and figuring out what is top on my summer bucket list (that’s still in progress).

But back to reflections on May. I worked remotely for most of the month. I spent time with family and friends. I went to a concert for the first time. I gained weight. I went for my first run in months. I neglected real life. I got back to real life.

It was an eventful month. Next month is for me. Many of the things I mention are deliberately left vague for the sake of privacy. So all I’m going to say is, I really feel like I’m in a good position to create some great opportunities for myself. I feel like it’s the right time for it. Maybe next month, finally, I’ll have something more concrete to talk about. But I said that last month, so we’ll see!

This month has been busy, but at the same time it feels like I did nothing at all. Let’s see. I went to a museum by myself for the first time. I visited home. I visited a botanical garden. I finished a book finally after two months. I fell so ill that I basically couldn’t work for a full week.

I’m going to chalk April up to kind of a ramp up month. May is a big month. I have two trips and a quick weekend getaway planned. I have ideas for more solo adventures to squeeze in. I’m planning to get back into reading. I’m hoping to gain back the strength I lost while sick. Hopefully next month I have something I feel like talking about besides how annoying this lingering cough is. Onwards.

In February I saw Phantom of the Opera on Broadway. I’d seen the movie once years before, but this was my first time watching the musical and I had high expectations. Unfortunately once the show started, it only took about 20 minutes before I realised I wasn’t a fan.

Actually, I enjoyed many elements of the show. I loved how elaborate the production was — the costumes! The staging! The effects! I loved the music! I loved the almost ridiculous drama of the whole show! But there was one problem: I hated the operatic elements. Which is a bit ironic considering that this whole show revolves around opera. But it was true. I disliked the opera-esque singing. I knew and understood its technical difficulty, but every time it began, I cringed inside. I left the musical excited to listen to the soundtrack, but also fully resolved to skip all the opera.

Imagine my surprise, nearly a month later, when I listened to The Barber of Seville and promptly fell in love.

My dad had recommended this opera for years, but I’d never gotten around to it. One day at work, I needed something to tune out coworkers, but also something that wasn’t in English so that I couldn’t get distracted by lyrics. I also needed something lengthy enough that I could play it ad-free on YouTube Music. The Barber of Seville fit all the criteria. And now, a few weeks later, it’s my go-to background music when I need to focus.

Let me qualify my love for this opera a bit. I don’t know what it’s about. I don’t know a single lyric. I don’t know who composed it. I don’t know its history. I really only know that it’s Italian. And I love it. I love the singing. I love the score. I love the musicality of it all. It’s so pleasing and pretty to listen to and makes me feel light and airy and lively. And that it makes me feel this way even when at my office desk is nothing short of incredible.

One day I’d love to see The Barber of Seville in person. Maybe even in Italy. Maybe I’ll bring my parents and we’ll have a fun night out — an early dinner of pizza followed by our favorite opera, and we’d end the night discussing our thoughts on it while we slowly walk home. One day.

A few posts ago, I mentioned setting over 40 goals for 2023. In January, I was pretty meticulous about working towards the ones I’d planned for Q1. Just a few weeks later, however, I had to reevaluate. I was coming home from work every day, feeling stressed out and tired and overwhelmed. And I constantly felt like I wasn’t able to do what I wanted to, even though I had all these goals I supposedly wanted to accomplish. So I took a step back and narrowed things down to just a few items.

1. Health/Fitness
2. Work
3. Climbing
4. Personal project

I feel a lot better about this. I can focus on using my energy on what’s really important to me. And the best part is, I’m still seeing progress on my other lower priority goals, since I still work on them when I feel like it. This model also helps remind me of what I should be spending time on if I have free time. I’m liking this a lot better, and I’m seeing a ton more progress on my main goals as a result. Huge fan.

Now I’m going to post this and go to sleep (since I prioritized health and all).

Funnily enough, I didn’t realise the Willow of this album was Willow Smith until just now as I sat down to write this post. This album is definitely entirely unlike Whip My Hair, a song that I still genuinely love over a decade later.

So. Coping Mechanism. On the first listen, I strongly disliked it. After a few more listens, that faded to just a slight dislike. And now, after having it on repeat during work for the last two days, I can fairly confidently say that I’m neutral about it. I get what the album is going for, and why people might like it, but it wasn’t for me. Part of the issue was that guitars, drums, and that type of scream-singing all feature pretty heavily on this album, and for me, the last album I listened to — Reason in Decline by Archers of Loaf — just did those better. The other problem was that I wasn’t in the right emotional state for this. I’d probably need to be in a more angsty frame of mind to properly enjoy this.

There are 11 songs. I didn’t particularly like or dislike any of them. Here are the ones I appreciated the most.

WHY?
Favorite lyric: ”I just wanna, I just wanna stop asking myself why… I just gotta, I just gotta stop questioning my life”
I loved all the lyrics that are sung in that… falsetto? Head voice? I’m not exactly sure what the term is. I really liked the chorus especially — the lyrics are pretty and the way they’re sung is is pretty.

ur a stranger
Favorite lyric: “the least you could do is find someone else, the least you could do…
This is the song that made me feel something. It evokes exactly the heartbreak and hurt and loss that the lyrics are about. The betrayal feels tangible. The drums are done well, and surprisingly, I quite liked the interlude with the screaming.

So, I love this album. Honestly, from the first song — Human — I was hooked. It’s only been a few days of listening, and I wish I’d heard of them sooner. I don’t know how to explain my feelings about this album in depth. It makes me nostalgic. It makes me want to throw open the windows and have the music playing at maximum volume. It reminds me of Love Drunk by Boys Like Girls. It makes me want to know the words so I can scream along in joy. It tugs at my heart. It makes me want to cry.

There are 10 songs. I like them all. These are my favorites.

Saturation and Light
Favorite lyric: “Beautiful dreamer, pitiful failure”
This song makes me feel like running through the woods. It makes me feel like living fiercely. It makes me believe that anything is possible.

Screaming Undercover
I don’t know a single lyric from this song yet, but I so badly want to be at an Archers of Loaf show, yelling along to this with a full crowd around me. This song makes me feel the way the movie School of Rock felt when I was a kid. In a strange way, it also reminds me of how I felt listening to Untouched by The Veronicas when I was in middle school. What a song, to make me feel this alive.

In the Surface Noise
I just like this song a lot. Somehow, when I listen to it, life feels more possible. It makes me feel like being rebellious and defiant. It makes me feel like standing at a pier in front of the ocean and yelling into the wind. It feels like something is expanding in my chest, fighting to get out. And when the song ends, it feels like it’s over too soon.

War is Wide Open
Favorite lyric: “The days grow cold as you wave goodbye”
This song makes me feel like I’ve lost something too early. It makes me want to move out of my apartment and go back home to be with my parents. It makes me want to never grow up.

So the last few years, I haven’t really set resolutions or goals or anything like that. The only goal I’ve consistently set the last few years has been a reading goal. The rest have been more general themes that I wanted to incorporate into my life. But this year, for some reason, felt different.

Maybe it’s because 2022 was so crazy busy, but I’m only now feeling like I have the time and energy to take a step back and think. I had a bit of an emotional breakdown over the holidays, at the end of which I came to the realisation that among other things, I’ve been feeling a bit sad and bored and generally uninspired. So on a random Tuesday (Jan 3rd, I think?), I sat down and made some goals. 40+ goals in fact.

Is this realistic? Is this too many goals? I don’t know. But even if I don’t achieve all of them, I might as well try. I’ll be better off for it. The more I think about it, the more I’m realising that my recent general dissatisfaction likely is a result of not pushing myself to do things that I’ve always wanted to do. I’ve been living life aggressively the last year, but in big, wide open ways. In grand gestures like trips and one-off milestones, and not so much in the small ways. The things that take time and effort. Like working at a new hobby or getting out and exploring the city I live in.

So I have a lot of goals set up for the new year. They encompass all kinds of things — adult stuff like finance and career, but also hobbies and creativity and such. Maybe I’ll post them here at some point, but right now, I think it’ll be more interesting to talk about things as I do them. And the first thing I’m doing is starting climbing.

This is just as spontaneous and random as the process that led to me setting goals for 2023. On a Monday, I was offered to go indoor bouldering with someone who had a free guest pass. By Wednesday, I had my own membership and a pair of $85 beginner climbing shoes. For someone who overthinks and meticulously researches everything she does (especially when it comes to spending money), this was kind of wild.

But, I love it. Climbing is new in so many ways. It works muscles that I don’t really have yet. It has an element of problem solving (something that’s lacking in running and strength training). And it makes me uncomfortable, in the way that going to the gym used to make me uncomfortable. With the gym, my hurdle was getting over being self-conscious. Once I saw that no one was actually looking at me — everyone was busy with their own workouts — I was fine. Now, with the climbing gym, the fact is, people look at you. That’s just how it works. People take breaks, or wait for other people to finish routes, and during that time, they’re watching you climb. And I need to get over the embarrassment that I feel every time I sense the eyes on me while trying out a route.

I actually first tried climbing in 2018. It was the cool thing to do in San Francisco, so I went. And I hated it. I was physically weaker than I am now, and even more self-conscious. Everyone at the climbing gym seemed to know each other and they were all talking about tech and I just somehow felt out of place.

I’m not sure if I like the climbing gym I just joined more, or if I’ve grown as a person since 2018. Either way, I’m excited to work at something new. I’m excited that I’ve found a new physical activity that I enjoy. I’m excited for this to augment my typical workouts at the regular gym. And I’m excited to be excited about something! That’s a lot of excitement.

Actually, between climbing and the list of goals I’ve compiled, I’m already feeling so much more motivated and inspired about life than I thought I’d be right now. On my last post — the 2022 year in review one — I said I was excited about 2023, but how I felt then pales in comparison to how I feel now. I am. Really. Excited.

This is my third year in a row doing an end of year review. I really wanted to make a nice graphic like I did two years ago, but ended up procrastinating and putting something together in less than 6 hours. It’s not perfect at all — there’s some noticeable pixelation on the hand-drawn stuff. I think I didn’t put a high enough DPI on the digital canvas when I started working on it. That’s okay though. It was cool to see this come together within the last few hours, and the deadline really forced me to set aside perfection so that I could work fast.

The end of the year came so quickly, I haven’t thought at all about new year’s resolutions yet. On last year’s post, I said I thought 2022 was going to be a good one, and I was right. 2022 was a good one. So I’ll write it again and will it into existence: I’m excited for 2023. I think it’s going to be a good one.