I read somewhere that if you’re feeling a bit emotionally volatile, it’s usually either a sign that you need to eat something, or that you need to sleep. I’ve eaten okay today, but it’s late night and I’m sleep deprived. Seems safe to assume my current perspective on life is not the most reliable. I’m also too tired to come up with a truly polished and complete post. Instead, here are some ongoing thoughts.
I had a hectic month. I saw friends I haven’t seen in years, and started getting used to going into office again. I also maybe might have burned myself out. I’m not really sure. What I do know is that I’m tired. I don’t feel like doing anything but at the same time there’s so much I want to do. It’s like I’m back in school during exam season, where there’s just deadline after deadline, without a moment to slow down and recharge.
A few months ago, I saw an Instagram post about something called “anhedonia.” The inability to feel pleasure from things that used to be enjoyable. I need to think more thoughts on this.
I’ve been craving exercise recently. For logistical reasons, I can’t actually commit to working out for another few weeks, but I’m sure I’ll feel a lot better once I’m there. Similar feelings towards vegetables and sunscreen. Hoping to get more of them in my life soon.
This month I learned how much I am a creature of comfort. This has been a bit of a reckoning for me since, um, I don’t want to be a creature of comfort. What I want is to be a super cool minimalist who jetsets across countries and has an exciting lifestyle and does crazy things! If I can’t handle one hectic month, how am I ever supposed to max out on life? I keep telling myself there’s an adjustment period — after all, I’m coming off two years of pandemic living. But still, my grandparent-like tendencies have been weighing on me.
In other news, Instagram Reels and YouTube shorts are ruining my life. I’ve been doomscrolling way too much recently and I’m miserable about it. I just went and deleted Instagram off my phone though. There’s one easy improvement in life quality!
Another improvement in life quality has been the Evening Walk™️. The area I’m living in is not the most pleasant for walking — something I’ve recently realised I value a lot. Still, it’s good when I force myself outdoors. Sunlight is nice — probably helps my body attempt to fix the vitamin D deficiency I probably have. Moving my legs feels right — which you know, makes sense since that’s literally what legs were evolved for. Oh and sitting at the park and people-watching is kind of fun. It’s nice to be provoked into having strong opinions about random things. I’m specifically referring to the girl I overheard lecturing her friend about the correct way to give feedback to coworkers. FYI to any employers who might be reading this — “it’s better to highlight their good qualities than to tell them what they could do better” is NOT the mentality I want from my colleagues. Please be straight up with me.
Today I finally was able to schedule my Global Entry interview after months of checking for availability. I’ll be heading to the airport this weekend for it and I’m pretty excited. It’ll feel good to finally get this done after having it pending and out of my control for so long.
What else has been going on? I’m trying out scheduling this week by the hour. There are a few things I’ve had on my mind for a while now that I want to start putting into motion. In my last post, I was dripping with optimism and enthusiasm and all that. Now, I’m just kind of wistful about getting things to a place where I’ll be happy with them. Maybe adding some structure to my post 9-5 hours will help? We’ll see.
I’m sure I’ll feel better with a good night’s sleep. And I’m sure when I’m editing this later, I won’t feel like posting this since life won’t seem so ick anymore. I hope I post it anyway. Or you know what. Maybe I’ll post this without editing it. Why not? Feels kind of fun.
