I nearly forgot that it’s the end of the month and that I meant to write this post. It’s past midnight and I’m tired and I have a long day ahead so here’s a list of stuff that happened this month.

1. Spent a day in New Jersey! I went to a little town with some friends and watched some local music performances and generally had a cute suburban day.
2. Bought my dream desk. I’ve been thinking about this desk for around a year now and I finally pulled the trigger. It’s 6 feet long and I thought it would feel enormous but it’s pretty much the perfect size. Dare I say, a little small?
3. Visited family in Seattle and took a weekend trip to Oregon. Also took my family out for a fancy Japanese dinner for the first time to celebrate something good that happened to me last month.
4. Got a bunch of cool things off my local Buy Nothing group. A fancy stroller for my friend, a really pretty decorative plate, and my dream large plant.
5. Tried 12 Matcha. I’d been wanting to go for a while. The cheesecake wasn’t life changing but the matcha latte! It’s so good. I’m already thinking about going back.
6. A friend is in town visiting me. For 11 days which is… a longer time than I realised, to be honest. It’s been good to see her, but I’m also stressed out by work so… we’ll see.
7. I’m going to see Jin in concert today!
8. I’m also having this ongoing career/life crisis. I think I’ve talked about this previously, but it keeps hitting me hard. I panicked and tried to find a new job. But I hated both of the recruiter screens I did. So yeah. Surviving, not thriving.

So I totally crashed out this month, but I think I’m finally bouncing back. Life just got really overwhelming for a bit. Then I realised I just need to care less and have more fun, and that’s really been working out for me recently. So here’s what’s been going on:

1. Met up with some friends that I haven’t seen since college. It was so nice to catch up with them.
2. Went on a boat ride on the Hudson. It was beautiful and the boat went right up to the Statue of Liberty which was very cool.
3. Went home for Father’s Day. Got to see my parents and brother and just had a really nice time.
4. Tried my first hip hop class. 10/10 loved it. I’m terrible and have no sense of rhythm or groove, but I already took my second class and I’m signed up for my third. This is something I’ve been wanting to do for years.
5. Visited Flushing with my friends. Tried a Chinese scalp treatment and ate a lot of food. The treatment was just a fun experience, but the food was so good.
6. Had lunch with a friend for the first time in 6 months and was introduced to the coconut latte. Excellent stuff.
7. Volunteered at Brooklyn Bridge Park. Got so many bug bites. Also got the itch (get it?) to volunteer more.
8. Ran a race in Central Park. I absolutely will not be running in the sun for the foreseeable future. I will, however, be trying to run more again because my fitness is definitely down.
9. Finally started working on a personal project.
10. Started hanging out with myself again. I did things solo all the time when I lived in San Francisco. I haven’t done as much of it here, partially because I had my brother and some friends here already. It’s been really good for me to be back at it.

I’m still kind of stressed and whelmed (didn’t know this was a real word, but very apt), but I’m also feeling very fulfilled. So things are pretty good right now 🙂

Okay it’s the end of May. I did two support rotations and a lot of apartment hunting. I moved, and then I helped my brother move. And I bought a laptop finally. So like, important things that needed to happen, but also things that left me little time to actually work on my goals.

I’m cautiously optimistic about my new place. It’s a great price and a convenient location. It’s not quite as nice as my old apartment, but it’s also not as expensive. The view is way better with more natural light, so I’m really hoping for less seasonal depression in the winter. The way it worked out, I left for home the day after moving into the apartment, so I haven’t spent too much time there yet. I’m excited to go back and settle into a new routine. Hoping to really lock in next week once I’m back in the city.

This month I went to San Francisco! And I went to Europe! Netherlands, Belgium, and Luxembourg to be precise.

It was so great. In San Francisco I was totally checked out. No plan needed. I’ve lived there before, and I’ve visited since. I have some favorite spots and my friend showed me some new ones. It was comfortable. It was easy. It was fun. Europe was another story. I’d planned and re-planned the trip beforehand. I was fighting for directions and keeping us on time with the schedule. I was stressed out like every single day. Still, it was fun.

And now I’m back and I have the biggest vacation hangover. I started on call this week and it’s been jarring. My brain is so slow. On the bright side, I’m currently taking advantage of the mild jetlag and waking up early. This morning I even went on a light run before work! I’ve also been trying to prioritize sunlight and 10k steps a day. I did this last summer and it did wonders for me.

I’ve been enjoying cooking lately as well. I think in general, I’ve really gotten into a good routine in my apartment. I’m moving out next month, which I feel a bit sad about since things have been going well recently. But the thing is, I love this apartment in the summer. The location is so convenient and I get a reasonable amount of sunlight. But it’s kind of depressing when it’s grey out, so all winter I was well, kind of depressed. I’m not sure where I’m moving next, but I’m excited to experience a new lifestyle.

And well, that’s where I’m at right now. Thriving. Surviving. I want to get my move locked down and then I want to lock in on some self/career development work. More to come on that.

Okay, so bouncing back from my roller coaster February hasn’t been going so hot. Firstly, I got sick again! Just as I was recovering from being sick last month! Life is so unfair.

After that second bout of illness, I was even more behind on work, so I spent a lot of time catching up. I also had a lingering dry cough that’s only just subsided. Let me just say, I’m so grateful that I’m healthy right now. It’s probably all thanks to my mom. I spent some time at home and I genuinely think that fixed me.

But now we’re here. I’m going to California next week. The plan is to hang out with a college friend, go to a concert, and live the West Coast life for a couple days. I’ve been so nostalgic for my old life in San Francisco and I need this trip to knock that out of me. I love San Francisco, but it has its downsides. A few rides on the BART should have my head straight on again.

I’m also going abroad in April! Busy month. For years, my family has been talking about seeing the tulips in the Netherlands. And for years, the trip has fallen through. But this year, we finally got our act together and booked tickets. I’m kind of in disbelief, to be honest. I’m excited to check this off our family bucket list. And I’m excited for some time off work. It’s not a great time for it, but it never is.

So yeah. Not so much progress on stuff in March. I read a bunch of shitty romance books and now I’m trying to un-rot my brain with non-fiction. I finally bought a new phone and traded in my broken one. I didn’t complete anything on my to do list for the month, but I have a couple days left to try! We’ll take it. Onwards.

This month gave me major whiplash. I had 2 stellar weeks! I was waking up early. I was exercising. I was keeping my apartment clean. I was studying in my free time. And then I got pretty sick. Like, the type of sick where I was basically out for a full week and could barely get off the couch. It’s a week after I started feeling somewhat normal and I’m still dry coughing. Unreal.

I’ve been struggling to get back to the routine I’d built earlier. I’m behind on work so I’ve been spending extra time on that, which leads to staying up late, which leads to sleeping very little, which leads to decreased brain function during the day, which leads to work taking longer, and so the cycle continues. I haven’t been spending enough time on my other goals, like studying and side projects. My apartment is a mess.

I’m hoping to get myself together in the coming days and have March be my comeback month. But I have to say, it’s been a bit depressing to go from almost the ideal lifestyle to this. Bouncing back hasn’t been going well so far, but I’m keeping at it.

I started this month out with a lot of great ideas and goals! Unfortunately, I wasn’t able to meet many of them. I had a bit of a rough month. I was in what feels like my millionth slump. I had a minor, but scary family emergency. I made a lot of excuses. But that’s just life, isn’t it.

I’ve been reading and listening to a lot of self-help content lately. A couple things have stuck out to me. The importance of building habits. The fact that our brains are reprogrammable. The bounce back rate as a measure of success rather than perfection. The concept of acting like your ideal self even if you aren’t there yet.

I’m still working on putting these ideas into practice, but an interesting outcome of thinking about them is that I’ve been trying to figure out what my ideal self even is. I’ve always been a bit of a fickle person. I tend to start hobbies, become okay at them, and then move on to the next thing. At any given moment, there are a million lifestyles that I find appealing. I want to live in a cottage in the woods. I want to be a digital nomad. I want to to be a corporate girl boss. I want to be an entrepreneur.

Of course there’s the fact that in the midst of wanting to be all of these things, I also haven’t really done any single one of them. I’ve never quite known what I really want to do, and that has lead to not doing anything. Not the best track record.

So I’ve settled on a few things that are common to all of the selves I dream of being. My ideal self sleeps 8 hours every night. She priorities eating protein and fiber daily. She spends her days productively, and isn’t glued to her phone constantly. She is confident and happy. She proactively manages her stress levels. She makes sure she’s being challenged in all aspects — career, fitness, personal development, etc.

Yup. It’s the basics. Mental, emotional, and physical health. That’s the base of who I want to be. Pretending like I’m the person who has all these has helped on occasion the past few weeks, but I’m really planning to dial it up in the common month. This time next month, I hope to be able to say that I’ve met all my great ideas and goals for February.

The end of another year. Let’s do this. I’m not certain how to feel about 2024. I think it was great as far as fitness and health go. It was just okay in terms of hobbies. It wasn’t so great career-wise. But in this market, I’m just glad I still have a job. Anyhow, here’s some of the good stuff.

1. Moved to NYC proper
2. Traveled to Arizona, Texas, and Ireland for the first time
3. Ran my first half marathon and also my first 10k
4. Got my first v4 climb (and 6 in the whole year)
5. Got back into skiing
6. Invested more
7. Maintained a perfect Duolingo streak (I literally didn’t miss a single day this year!)
8. Got all 12 monthly Duolingo challenges
9. Wrote 12 blog posts
10. Read 17 books
11. Survived another round of layoffs at my company

Overall, an okay year. I’m grateful for some things and looking forward to improve others in 2025!

November was a rough month, with lots to deal with. Daylight savings ended and darkness started coming way too early. I picked up running again, just in time for the northeast cold. I deleted social media off my phone. My company had layoffs (I survived, thankfully). I exercised 18 days out of the month. I went home and took nearly a week off work just to chill and rejuvenate. I hit just over a year of not drinking coffee.

I also nearly quit climbing. Between stress from work, frustration from lack of progress, and mild seasonal depression from the shorter days, I was not having a fun time when I did drag myself to the gym. I even went and froze my membership for December. But I reassessed the situation and ended up changing my mind. Going after work on weekdays was too depressing, so I decided to just not go after work. Instead, I plan to go in the mornings or even just stick to weekend afternoons. And despite not seeing much progress myself, I’ve had friends tell me they can see an improvement. In fact just this week I ended up getting a V4 for the first time in a while (it wasn’t at my home gym, but still). So I’m back, membership unfrozen and everything. I’ll really be trying to keep things in perspective this time around. The reality is that I want to improve at this and the only way for that to happen is really to keep climbing.

On the other hand, I’ve decided to quit something somewhat related — protein shakes. For almost a year now, I’ve been having one daily, and in the last few months, I’ve upped it to two. And I really do appreciate them for the convenience, especially as far as hitting macros goes. But recently I’ve been feeling bloated and heavy and I haven’t been so sure that the shakes have been helping. Maybe two a day is too much. I’m not sure. I’ve decided to use them more as a supplement to my diet rather than a core staple of it. So I might still have one here and there after a run or a workout, but I won’t have one for breakfast unless I really want to. I’m especially excited about this since the cold weather has had me craving hot breakfasts and forcing down a shake just wasn’t the ideal start to the morning.

So yes. A bunch of highs and lows for the month, and two decisions to improve my day to day. We’ve just got another month to the year. I wonder what this last thirty or so days of 2024 will bring.

Okay that’s not completely true. I got my first v4 flash. I went to Houston for the first time. I ran my first official 10k race (in Houston!). But aside from that, yeah. I don’t know what I did this month, and it kind of scares me.

Time really is slipping away. I’ve been going through somewhat of an existential crisis. What’s the point of life? What do I want to do with my life? Am I happy? What next? Stuff like that has been on my mind all month. I haven’t been able to come to any conclusion yet. I’m too tired all the time but I also feel like I don’t do anything. So what do I do about it?