November was a rough month, with lots to deal with. Daylight savings ended and darkness started coming way too early. I picked up running again, just in time for the northeast cold. I deleted social media off my phone. My company had layoffs (I survived, thankfully). I exercised 18 days out of the month. I went home and took nearly a week off work just to chill and rejuvenate. I hit just over a year of not drinking coffee.

I also nearly quit climbing. Between stress from work, frustration from lack of progress, and mild seasonal depression from the shorter days, I was not having a fun time when I did drag myself to the gym. I even went and froze my membership for December. But I reassessed the situation and ended up changing my mind. Going after work on weekdays was too depressing, so I decided to just not go after work. Instead, I plan to go in the mornings or even just stick to weekend afternoons. And despite not seeing much progress myself, I’ve had friends tell me they can see an improvement. In fact just this week I ended up getting a V4 for the first time in a while (it wasn’t at my home gym, but still). So I’m back, membership unfrozen and everything. I’ll really be trying to keep things in perspective this time around. The reality is that I want to improve at this and the only way for that to happen is really to keep climbing.

On the other hand, I’ve decided to quit something somewhat related — protein shakes. For almost a year now, I’ve been having one daily, and in the last few months, I’ve upped it to two. And I really do appreciate them for the convenience, especially as far as hitting macros goes. But recently I’ve been feeling bloated and heavy and I haven’t been so sure that the shakes have been helping. Maybe two a day is too much. I’m not sure. I’ve decided to use them more as a supplement to my diet rather than a core staple of it. So I might still have one here and there after a run or a workout, but I won’t have one for breakfast unless I really want to. I’m especially excited about this since the cold weather has had me craving hot breakfasts and forcing down a shake just wasn’t the ideal start to the morning.

So yes. A bunch of highs and lows for the month, and two decisions to improve my day to day. We’ve just got another month to the year. I wonder what this last thirty or so days of 2024 will bring.

Okay that’s not completely true. I got my first v4 flash. I went to Houston for the first time. I ran my first official 10k race (in Houston!). But aside from that, yeah. I don’t know what I did this month, and it kind of scares me.

Time really is slipping away. I’ve been going through somewhat of an existential crisis. What’s the point of life? What do I want to do with my life? Am I happy? What next? Stuff like that has been on my mind all month. I haven’t been able to come to any conclusion yet. I’m too tired all the time but I also feel like I don’t do anything. So what do I do about it?

How is this possible? Are there really only three months left in the year? Didn’t fall just barely start? But no, it’s starting to get dark at 6:30 and mornings are starting to be chilly and I can feel the start of seasonal depression creeping in. It never gets old how fast life moves. This month, I visited my parents. I went to a (very tame) bachelorette party. I got my life together. I wrecked my life (thanks to a work deadline). I hosted a friend.

I also started to think about some passion projects I’d like to pick up again. I’d like to write more. I’d like to study more. I’d like to build more. I have some exciting things planned, and I’m hoping October turns out to be an exciting month.

A few weeks ago I went to Arizona with some friends. I spent a weekend taking in scenery unlike anything I’ve ever seen before. I hadn’t realised how beautiful rock could be, but the dusky red rock everywhere was so stunning. Three days passed exploring slot canyons and boating and doing some (very light) hiking — it was August after all, and 100+ degrees was no joke. It was a really fun trip and a much needed break from reality.

We spent one of the evenings watching the sunset from the hotel veranda. It was wonderful and peaceful and definitely not something I’d easily be able to experience in New York. I’ve been getting an itch to have these kinds of moments more often — being able to curl up outside with a book and enjoy nature. Part of me wants to move away and get a house and live out my cottagecore dreams. The other, louder part of me reminds me that I can do that later, and to enjoy New York for now.

I think it’s the right move to stay here a while longer, but my trip to Arizona helped me realise that if I’m going to stay, I’d better do it right. That way I’ll have no regrets later. I have more clarity on the next few years now, which is a good thing. I’ve been antsy for months while trying to figure out my next steps, and I hadn’t been able to make any progress towards an answer. I’m all set now, I guess I just needed a trip to Arizona to figure things out.

This month I was a bridesmaid at a wedding. I went to Europe for a week. I held my friend’s baby for the first time. Exciting things.

I also got more V3 climbs this month than I ever have before. 5 of them to be precise. My climbing progress has been slow to say the least, and this month I finally feel like I’m getting somewhere. And it’s taken months of consistency and building good habits and gaining and losing and regaining strength. I’m so appreciative of all the strength I’ve gained and I’m so aware of how much further I have to go.

Climbing kind of altered my life. Seriously. I schedule my weeks around climbing. I think about problem sets when in my free time. I plan my eating and exercise to align with my climbing goals. There definitely are moments where I’m fed up with everything and feel defeated. But every time I complete something I fought for, it feels so worth it. It’s so cool to have a hobby that is also exercise and also is social and also keeps my brain occupied. It’s so cool to see my mind-body connection strengthen. I’m so glad my mom pushed me to give climbing another shot last year. And I’m so glad my brother let me use his guest pass on that cold January day.

June has been uneventful and I’ve been having mood swings. I’m bored. I’m excited. I’m sleepy. I’m restless. I feel like I’ve lost interest in everything but at the same time there are so many things I want to do and not enough time to do them all. I’m not sure what’s going on. This happens every summer. I start to feel uneasy and think through a million things that I could do and somehow end up doing none of them. This year I’ve finally picked up on this pattern. Which is great! Except for the fact that I still have no idea what to do about it and we’re almost at July. I’m going out of town shortly and I’m hoping the time away gives me clarity. But in case it doesn’t, I’ll think more on things. I feel like I need to take time to stop and spend more time thinking about stuff like that. In a vaguely related vein, certain events this month have made me realise that I really need to stop watching short form contact. It’s rotting my brain. I really need to get my life together and start taking advantage of all the resources and opportunities available to me. I’m going to do some thinking the next few weeks while I’m away and come back strong and ready to rumble.

I could barely run 3 miles on Jan 1st this year. And this month, I ran 13.1 in a half marathon. It’s crazy the difference 4 months of consistency can make. This was maybe the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life. Physically of course, but mentally too. The last few miles felt like forever and I had to reach for every ounce of determination that I possessed in order to make it through.

I’m not a naturally athletic person, so the 4 month journey felt kind of transformative to me. I wasn’t going for time, just distance and completion. Endurance. I didn’t want to stop when running (and I didn’t!). This meant every time I was able to run an additional mile, it felt like a victory. Something I’d never done before. An accomplishment. It also meant I was able to be very forgiving when I couldn’t finish a distance I’d planned. Too tired to finish 9 miles? No biggie — 6 miles is still more than I could do before.

My next goal is to run faster. The half marathon motivated me to start running consistently, but I’m pretty slow. I’d like to improve my mile time. I think I’m going to sign up for a 5k next to help motivate myself. Though the thought of running during the summer when it’s muggy… well, we’ll see. But if there’s anything I’ve learned from the last 4 months, it’s that I can accomplish anything I want to.

It’s official— I moved! Today is my first day in my new apartment and… wow. This is weird. Things felt so bittersweet in the weeks leading up to the move. But now that I’m all set up, I don’t think about my old apartment nearly as much as I thought I would. Funny how things happen that way. I’m sure with time I’ll miss certain perks of my old living situation. The neighborhood was cleaner and the apartment was more spacious. I had a great view. But there are so many things about my new location that I just know I’m really going to appreciate. It’s closer to my office. It’s closer to the climbing gym. It’s closer to family. I’m excited to spend the coming year at this place. I think my life is going to change here.

It seems like short posts is the trend I’m going for in 2024. Ah well, that’s life.

This month I decided to move out of the studio apartment that I love dearly and into a new neighborhood. This is a big deal for me. I agonized over this decision for weeks. At one point I nearly chose to lease a different apartment just a block or two over from where I currently live. But as appealing as that idea felt, I knew I would just be playing things safe. So I decided to ignore all my fears of moving somewhere unfamiliar and just go for it. Sure, maybe I’ll miss how things are now. Maybe I’ll hate the new apartment. Maybe I’ll wish I’d never moved at all. But maybe I won’t! Maybe I’ll love it. I have to have some faith and take that chance. So I guess this means April’s short post might be about my new living situation. And hopefully I’ll like it!

The entirety of January was an attempt to get back into a routine. Sleeping consistently. Managing stress. Prioritizing the things that should be prioritized. I continued this for about 3 days in February before giving up. I let myself skip workouts when I felt like it. I lazed on weekends where I should have gotten things done. Because here’s what I realised — thinking about not being in a routine was stressing me out way too much to be worth it.

In a few days, I’ll be going on vacation for two weeks and everyone knows there’s no routine on vacation. My plan is to focus on eating well and sleeping well and having a lot of fun. And then I’ll revisit real life when I’m back.